Missing Dad and Coping with Grief

Papa's hand, I knew he could still feel me..

It's Sunday morning and suddenly, I missed my dad.  I saw his old pictures and videos from his birthday back in 2009.

If you do not know what I'm talking about -- my dad died from Papillary Thyroid Cancer a year ago.  It was New Year, January 1, 2011.  It started in his throat and cancer cells spread like fire going to his lungs.  Besides that, I'm still happy that we were able to spend time with him for two years more, since he was diagnosed in 2008.

Until now, I could hardly believe he's gone.  I wasn't expecting that out of millions of people, illness would hit one of my loved ones, my father.  I couldn't blame the situation, though, because he kept smoking when I was a kid. But still, smoking was his past time to ease stress during his busy days.  Aside from cancer, dad also had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), which worsened his condition.  Dad had a hard time breathing, and I couldn't take it looking at him suffering.

Well, enough to tell you of the drama, I do not want to cry again.  Let me just share you How to Cope with Grief.  I know it's not easy, but we can do this slowly.

It was shattering inside...

• HOW TO OVERCOME GRIEF:
• Have a Good Cry. - You have to.  It's good to let go of these feelings, talk to someone you can trust.  It's a relief.
• "Everything Happens for a Reason"    - Sounds cliche, but true.  Pray to God and ask for strength.  Trust His will because blessings might come along the way.
•  STOP (as much as possible) being bitter.   - We cannot avoid being bitter, especially during these times.  We couldn't help comparing and asking God why it happened to us, and not to them.  Stop cursing other people or wishing them bad luck.  It could boomerang.  One more thing, a negative feeling brings another negative outcome, and the "bad luck" may keep coming.
•  Reminiscing is good, but limit yourself.   -- I know we can't help looking at the past pictures and videos of our loved ones.  It's good to laugh and think about the happy times, but you could cry again along the way.  I am not suggesting you forget them, but if you think it's not going to do you any more good, then control yourself from reminiscing.
•  Stop blaming yourself/somebody.    - This is tough. When someone dies, we always blame ourselves or the people around us.  We could not avoid that especially when somebody dies of an accident due to someone's negligence, etc. It's also hard to apply this especially on murder cases, but let's hope it doesn't go that far.  I'm talking about my case.  My dad died of illness and nobody wanted it.  I've asked myself a lot of times or should I blame myself just because I didn't have enough (knowing Cancer is an expensive illness) -- Again, it's all in God's plan, and that has been a part of it.
•  Forgive yourself/others.   - Once you know how to forgive, healing starts. Heal the wounds gradually, and later you can start moving on.
•  Always remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   - You are not the only one who have lost a loved one.  Others could have more depressing situations than you do.  Jesus, also suffered when He knew He was going to die.  Realize how He accepted that. -- When I was praying inside the hospital chapel, I felt Jesus.  And when I went back to dad's Intensive Care Unit, he gestured at me to say that he was at least, feeling a little well during that day.  For me though, I considered that a Miracle.

People mourn differently, we all have our ways.  Others may look like they don't seem to care, but deep inside they could still be in pain.  Only time heals all wounds.  Pray to God for strength, and the courage to forgive everyone, including yourself.  Get yourself busy, life has to go on and you must move.

Before I end this blog, let me share you a poem given by my previous boss through a Mass Card.  She gave that to us when she went to the wake.  Somehow, the poem had enlightened me:

Safely Home 

by Unknown

I am home in Heaven, dear ones;

Oh, so happy and so bright!

There is perfect joy and beauty

In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,

Every restless tossing passed;

I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.

Then you must not grieve so sorely,

For I love you dearly still;

Try to look beyond earth's shadows,

Pray to trust our Father's Will.

There is work still waiting for you,

So you must not idly stand;

Do it now, while life remains--

You shall rest in Jesus' land.

When that work is all completed,

He will gently call you Home;

Oh, the rapture of that meeting,

Oh, the joy to see you come!

Acceptance:  Learn how to let go...

Whenever I read this poem over and over, I have mixed emotions of sadness and enlightenment.  Sad that I'll be missing my dad, but enlightened and relieved for he is no longer suffering just he did during his Chemotherapy treatments.

The lines that struck me most were, "There is work still waiting for you, so you must not idly stand." -- I saw hope again when I read these lines.  That opened my eye that life is still there waiting for me, and I should cherish it.

To my dad, wherever you are right now, we will always love you and we missed you!

Dad lived a good life of sixty-six years.  He was a good provider.